Welcoming Spring & A Reawakening

It’s officially springtime! It’s funny, I was welcoming spring with open arms two weeks ago, but then this nasty cold hit and it’s apparently still winter. That small span of time where it felt like spring felt different though. It was like a reawakening.

I’ll be the first to tell you I get seasonal affective disorder, but it doesn’t make me sad. I love it. Wintertime is for warm, cozy clothes and snuggling up with Netflix and hot chocolate. Unfortunately, that also means wintertime weight gain, being too lazy to go to the gym and basically turning into a blob. I’m not proud of it, but the past few months have looked a little bit like that for me. So when the sun came out and it was time to bring back my warmer-weather clothes, I had a serious wake up call.

A lot of my clothes doesn’t fit right, at least not how it’s supposed to.

That pissed me off enough to get me back in the gym and the great weather was enough to send me back day after day. After a couple days, my body started responding and I started to feel better in some of my spring and summer clothes. Then came this confidence. It happens whenever I start getting in better shape; my body tightens up a tiny bit and that strength is powerful, empowering.

Then suddenly I’m a fashionista! Ha! Just kidding.

I’ve never been crazy into fashion, probably because it didn’t usually include girls like me. But I’m realizing as I get older, it’s not about fashion. It’s about being yourself, about feeling comfortable and confident in the way you feel, which then translates to the way you look externally. Another amazing revelation that has come with time? Nobody cares. I am the only one who cares so much about my appearance. When I love it, other people love it. If I’m negative and hate myself, it’s going to be a turnoff for everyone else. It’s all in the way you hold yourself. [I wish someone could’ve told 13 year old Kristina this. She would’ve been a rockstar.]

So yeah. This is me. Really, this has always been me. I wanted to wear Converse to prom but I was too chicken to do my own thing. Now, here I am, 10 years later [dear God can you believe it’s been that long?!?!] and I’m finally comfortable and confident enough to do what I want: wear a black pleated dress with sneakers and a denim jacket. When it gets warmer I might wear it with a chambray around my waist instead. Who knows, I’m a rebel!

Here’s a big shock to the world: I’m wearing a loose, flowy dress and I’m plus size. My flat sneakers may not elongate my calves to make me look taller or leaner, but who cares?!? I’m wearing black because I love black and not because it’s ‘slimming!’ Black is my favorite color to wear, because it’s clean and crisp and sharp. Don’t expect to see me in spring pastels, that is definitely not happening. Anyways. Here’s to me being a normal (plus-size) human trying some more fashion-forward looks this spring, despite how ‘flattering’ or strange they may seem.